In a world full of uncertainties, a tradition can help provide an anchor, even just for a moment.
Making life feel predictable and structured, nostalgic and purposeful, rituals of tradition born out of the holiday season can be, well, like a warm cup of cheer; a chance to take a beat, breathe, and reflect, removed from the vagaries of life’s hustle and bustle. Ahhhhhh.
Pre-pandemic, we knew this but in the daily grind we scoffed, “yeah, yeah, that old tradition, I’ll get to it”. Then, “ding!” Something shiny and social-media-ish would pull us away.
Of course, in lockdown, we learned what mattered most. We learned that creativity is one of our greatest assets and we applied it magically to our beloved rituals. Finding ways to honor our traditions in spite of trauma, turns out to be our superpower.
The question now is how will we “tradition” this year?
We have an opportunity to completely reimagine ceremony and ritual, drop new anchors and shift to help us thrive. How will we bring purpose and predictability back, center our souls again, and ease into the new year with confidence?
First, let’s sift out the great parts of our traditions from the bickering, baffling family frustrations. Let’s look at some coaching from the social skills department. When it comes to getting along and connecting through traditions, psychologists offer the following researched concepts:
Collaborate. Whoever you call family, make a plan with these people so your holiday gatherings are an act of teamwork and inclusion (and gratitude for each person’s contribution). Be allies for each other and be gentle with one another. No one has escaped hard times.
Stay open minded and lead with love. You may feel like a grinch about sharing what you’re thankful for, but after you do, you’ll feel great. Healthy rituals have been proven to help people improve their sleep, mood, and focus. Work with each other on ways to honor everyone’s beloved traditions without undermining anyone. That said, it’s also okay to bow out of any tradition that doesn’t feel safe to you.
Have hard conversations ahead of time (and lead with love). Don’t leave stuff festering or sitting as a pink elephant in the room. Talk with a coach or counselor about difficult conversations you might need to have and try to reach some resolution before you gather as a group. At the very least, agree to leave it alone until you can properly address the subject outside of the group.
Share celebratory thoughts. Talk with each other about what you’re proud of, what you’re grateful for, and what you’re looking forward to. Be inclusive and “yes” oriented (there is that open mind again). Here are a few other conversation starters for a group of loved ones looking to enjoy (assuming you get along well already):
— What three events this past year gave you energy and hope to carry on?
— What would you like to do this coming year that will feed your soul?
— What brand new thing will you do this year?
— What’s your favorite holiday memory?
— What was your favorite toy?
— Who had the most positive influence on you growing up? During this past year?
— What three adjectives would your grandparents or parents use to describe you (in a good way)?
— What brings you the most joy and meaning during the holidays?
Be creative together or volunteer. Literally rolling up your sleeves and using your hands creatively helps ignite your brain with goodness and bonds you with others in new, story-weaving ways. Allow each other’s strengths to flourish. Oh, how the legends of the great ginger-bread-house contest will grow!
Here’s a fun “old” craft tradition to bring back this year: a pomander. It’s an orange that you’ve spiced and dried. Hang them for fragrance this winter (secretly they might also ward off the black plague).
Rituals and traditions can be a solid anchor to rely on when feeling rudderless. They don’t have to be huge or elaborate. They can be as simple as the daily greeting you give your co-workers, or the clinking of glasses to cheer a meal, or your favorite holiday music (or making fun of such). Whatever it is, lean in and embrace the joy together.
For more ideas on surviving the holidays, log into your InvestEAP.org account, our partners in short-term mental health services.
Happy Winter and we will see you on the PATH Ahead,
Gillian and the VEHI PATH Team