As you all welcome back students this week, and the chaos begins, we’d like to offer you a chance to feel more calm and more satisfaction in your life… Put down the smartphone. Bam. Got you where it hurts, no?
There is more technology in our smartphones than there was in Apollo 11, which went to the moon. On average we unlock our phones 80 times a day. We spend the equivalent of 49 days a year on our devices, according to Diane Sawyer on ABC news.
It’s ironic that we work so hard to ingrain healthy habits into our lives so we might live longer and enjoy better quality of life, and yet in the blink of an eye, social media and smartphones did it completely without us realizing it. Only, they left out the healthy, feel-better part.
With every great invention comes unintended consequences. The industry set out to make a living and invent cool tech for efficiency and enjoyment. No one was in a back room rubbing their hands together saying let’s make them all terribly addicted and feel horrible about themselves. It’s hard to believe any industry could predict the kind of repercussions we’re seeing now. Like “Phubbing,” for instance…
The biggest phone pitfall is called Phubbing, or phone snubbing.
As soon as your eyes go to the phone it tells the person you’re with that they are no longer important to you. “I’m not talking to you any more, I’m only pretending to talk to you.” Even putting your phone on the table between you and your friends says you’re waiting for a better offer. Further, when you pick it up, even if you say, “sorry I need to take this for XYZ,” you still come back to spotty, interrupted time together.
Not only are you telling someone they don’t matter as much your device, you’re missing out on the good connection you could be having and savoring time with others, which is good healing medicine. Take it from research: NPR reported several studies this month about the power of short, common connections, such as making eye contact with and smiling at a person on the street, having a brief conversation with a person in the elevator or on a train, or at a cash register, and waving to your neighbor.
We all feel better and live longer for these moments. When you are chained to your phone 80 times a day, you’re bound to miss this and much more. You want to soak up the time you have with your children, your aging parents, your friends and your partner. It’s intuitive and obvious from the outside looking in, but when the phone is in your face, it’s just so easy to forget.
That phone has powerful allure.
The good news is that it’s easy enough to be arm-chair quarterbacks and coach ourselves away from the pitfalls.
The pros of our devices? They do help us connect in ways we might not have otherwise. They help with logistics, “Are you running late?” and “Did you want the blue label shampoo or the red?” and, of course, they help with life saving outreach on all levels: “are you ok?”
We’ve all had some amazing conversations via text that we might not have been able to do otherwise. We’ve all connected in important ways at critical moments with these amazing tools. And, just like raising a glass of marvelous craft beer, we’ve all seen it bring either ourselves or someone we love to the brink of disaster (or worse). And, like craft beer, the convenience and fun of our phones is not going away all too soon. The trick is to live with them and their many assets without letting their built-in compulsions hijack our souls.
So here are some tips on setting some boundaries and doing a “digital detox”, of sorts…
Find “Redirect Rewards”: Remember, attention is finite. Because you only have so much, look for rewards that make you want to turn your attention to a better life away from your phone. When waiting in line, for example, instead of searching social media, use your sense of wonder to create cool stories about the people around you (no judgment, only positive thoughts please). ‘Redirect rewards” offer you excitement beyond a bad habit, making that bad habit obsolete.
Use “Notifications” wisely: Every time that phone dings, your brain sends out dopamine (your natural reward response) like a drug. Cut off the source of the drug by not allowing it to ping your anxious brain with nonsense. Or set notifications to ping when you want to do something OTHER than social media, such as contemplate great ideas or reclaim your imagination again.
Stop the endless “Rabbit Hole” or abyss syndrome: Social media is set up with no natural stopping point (on purpose — the more you scroll, the more info and money engineers sequester). Set an alarm for browsing to give you an automatic stopping cue. Commit to the phrase, “After the alarm goes off, I will walk away from my phone and do XYZ.”
Find alternative ways to feel that “Dopamine Hit”: Set phone alarms that you tie to other fun things you love about life. Take a deep breath, do a stretch, call a loved one, say hi to a favorite co-worker, high five someone, reminisce, look at a beautiful scene, smooch your pet, and so on.
Carve out time for “Authentic Conversations“: the concept of gathering together is primal and essential. Find ways to connect with friends on a weekly, if not daily, basis. Make it a habit and agree to keep phones out of sight except for special circumstances (agree ahead of time as to what constitutes a reasonable exception).
Try some “Baby Steps”: Start practicing screen-less moments in small doses. Leave the phone in the car when you go into a store. Don’t take it to the bathroom (for goodness sakes, stop it!). Waiting for someone? Sit there and wait and observe. Remember when we used to have to do that anyway?
Run far and fast from “App Rewards” that create pressure to come back daily (also called “streak rewards”). These build habits that work against your digital detox. Rewards that come after you leave the app and go do something healthy, then come back and share on your timeline, are stronger and more community building.
Remove the “highlight-reel-only” trap on social media: Social media is great for keeping in touch with and rubbing up against people we miss from far away or can’t see regularly. Feed your connection but rock the human reality. Selfies and retouching, ABC news reported, heightens your negative view of yourself and creates anxiety to be perfect. Over 80% of Americans think social media is ridiculous but 69% still use it. The reasons? Boredom or to calm from anxiety. Post what you enjoy sharing with loved ones that allows you to stay connected and expand your imagination.
There’s more, but this is certainly a start!
Give it a shot. For every time you replace a moment on a device with a real moment, give yourself a healthy, meaningful reward to reinforce doing so. Keep track, then look back and reflect on how it feels. We think you’ll find it most worthwhile.
See you on The PATH Ahead,
Gillian, Shevonne, Amy and Ashley, and the VEHI PATH Program