It is just a sweet old fashioned love song, or is romance necessary to help keep us healthy?
Love, yes. Romance? It doesn’t hurt.
Love, defined as connection, loyalty, caring and compassion, is the sentiment we feel from a myriad of social interactions. When we feel these things, a brain chemical called “Oxytocin” floods our brains and blood streams and makes us feel trust, empathy and affection which helps breed more of the above – the antidote to a vicious cycle.
Neuroeconmist, Dr. Paul Zack, of Claremont Graduate University in Southern California, and blog author, calls oxytocin “The Moral Molecule” stating that this is what differentiates us from other species – our deeply social, moral sentiment; our connection to compassion.
The best Valentine’s Day present to us was to learn that Oxytocin is surprisingly easy to manufacture. All it takes is a moment of joyful connection, and the fastest route, quite simply, is a hug. Zack, also dubbed “Dr. Love,” prescribes no fewer than eight hugs a day! See the list below for more ideas.
People who have more oxytocin pumping through their system are happier, more enthusiastic people who produce higher quality work. And they are contagious. Like a wave, oxytocin washes over others with great ease. The more we flood, the bigger the wave. A wave lasts only 3 minutes, however, so it’s up to us to keep the compassion flowing.
Now, we’re not saying life is all joy and delight. There will be hard times, no matter how optimistic or caring you are. The true measure of a person, a couple or a group, is how well we bounce back from the difficulties. Resiliency is ten times more powerful when oxytocin is present. Those who are honest about the fact that we will have to work at relationships are better able to weather social storms (including marriage). So be realistic and give yourself a boost in the process by churning up that oxytocin daily, if not hourly.
Here’s a list of oxytocin builders:
- All safe touch is good, including high fives, cool handshakes or a tap on the shoulder, for example.
- Giving a gift – random acts of kindness and showing trust in unique ways (e.g. pay the toll for the person behind you in line – 95% of others will pay for the next person)
- Hot tubing, jacuzzi, bath – warm water makes people feel safe and cared for
- Breathing – deep breathing releases anxiety and lowers stress
- Eating a meal and savoring it – this relaxes and often connects us to others
- Sharing a meal with someone new
- Forgiving – letting go of regrets or fears reduces anxiety and builds honesty
- Massage – releases tension and grows trust
- Having a warm drink – hold one and you’ll feel warmer, give it to someone and they’ll feel warmer as will feel good for being giving and compassionate
- Social networking – connect with caring friends on the web and exchange caring anecdotes, and tell them how grateful you are for their connection
- Meeting someone new or say hello to someone
- Snuggling or, of course, sexual intimacy.
So romance it up this Valentine week in a compassionate caring way. Don’t limit yourself to romantic love, though. Spread that oxytocin all around, and often. The world will be a better place!
You in Your Workplace
- Start ever meeting with “Highs” for the week. What went well? What surprised you? What are you optimistic about today?
- Start meetings with a “Who do you want to thank this week?” run through. Keep it quick but sincere.
- Hugs. A CAVEAT about touch at work… Be careful about boundaries. Be sure to have people ask and pre-announce their plan to hug, says Dr. Zack. If people don’t care for touch, the list above has options. A handshake is good too.
- Place tables and chairs in spots where people can gather to connect – add a warm drink station. Don’t forget that people need to move but they also need a safe space to connect. We have to provide environments where both are possible.
- Host picnics at parks where people can interact. Use your workplace campus as a canvas to build interaction, trust, compassion and connection outside of basic workgroups.
See you on the trusting, compassionate PATH Ahead!